


The Hobbit: The Unexpected Heist

by Arura



Category: Oakenshield, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, female Bilbo - Fandom, female Bofur - Fandom, female Dori - Fandom, female Kili - Fandom, female dwalin - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-29 01:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arura/pseuds/Arura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbi Baggins is recruited into a situation that is considered as a “creative investigation.”  In other words, to steal evidence and heirlooms from a corrupt Dragon Lord who had taken the wealth of Erebore for his own. She must travel with thirteen dwarves and a near-retired MI-5 Agent, cross-country in order to accomplish such a job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Old Friend Plus Thirteen

 

There once was a Hobbit who lived in a humble apartment one level above the ground. It was rickety at best with windows that could barely shut or stay open. The stove would work three days out of the week with an occasional roach that scrambled across the floor. Bilbi Baggins was considered to be humble and quiet. Someone who never spoke out of line. She had her books, her movies, and an old worn out couch. Rements of a past relationship littered the corners of her hallway and bedroom; litter she had yet had the energy to clear away. Old hiking gear was displayed upon the wall, along with a single walking stick with carved designs along its length that she did herself.  
Pictures of proud parents who smiled brightly, the moment when Bilbi and her Ex-boyfriend hiked up a hill together, and a wedding picture of her second cousin that actually still talked to her; all were framed and placed carefully around the living room, and contributed warmth to the whole apartment.

On that particular day, the young Hobbit woman decided to watch one of her favorite romantic comedy movies. Prepared for relaxation, she clutched a classic Shire pipe and carefully puffed a blend of an old English Tavern tobacco. The smoky sweet smell filled the living area of the apartment, better than what any incense could ever do. Before she could get to the part of the movie where she envied the characters’ lives, her ears twitched at the sound of heavy steps in the hallway outside her door. Bilbi snatched her DVD remote and paused the movie as she listened with dread and watched the shadow she could see under her door. Bilbi was afraid it was the landlord, a mean-spirited human who was often short-tempered with his tenants who were late with the rent. Bilbi was on her last leg with Mr. Rodeford before he would banish her from the complex all together. It was hard for Bilbi to find a steady job, thanks to her past efforts of survival being a thief. Even though she was reformed, most job opportunities would rather not risk a fall back on previous behavior and their business damaged. Bilbi tried looking to the Internet to find a "work from home" job, but often found the sites discouraging because they confused her or she felt cross-eyed after attempting to read a lengthy contract the sites provided. Bilbi had been scammed so many times by "such deals" that she barely had enough money to feed herself for three days. The neighbors were merciful towards her sometimes: they would offer her coffee and cake, sometimes left over casseroles or other foods they could spare or did not want. Bilbi was not picky when it came to edible food, as long as she was kept from starving. Her refrigerator was stocked with leftover barbecue sausages and hamburger patties, with plenty of bread and dressings to fill her constantly-empty stomach. Her cabinet was sometimes stocked with cheap generic foods that could either be micro-waved or were already edible and just needed to be released from their packaging. 

Bilbi focused on the shadow under her door and nearly jumped off of her couch when she heard three firm knocks. When she did not answer a low voice managed its way through the door, it was indeed not the Landlord.

"Bilbi Baggins?" the voice rang, it struck a familiar chord with Bilbi that caused her to ease automatically. 

The cautious Hobbit stood up, pulled a stool to the door and peered through the small glassed hole so she could see who was asking for her. She saw a pair of sharp blue eyes, along with a medium lengthed silver beard that revealed a small grin. Bilbi climbed down, pushed the stool aside, unlocked her door and slowly opened it. She looked up at the man who wore a heather gray suit with a polished oak cane in hand. Only because I know of all the description of other characters coming up, I say we need to see about finding different ways to describe the way people are dressed. Giving all the info up front is sort of an info dump and people will tend to forget it in favor of other more important (to them) things.

Bilbi wet her lips at first. "Yes?" she managed to squeak.

"Do you remember me, Ms. Baggins?" asked the old man, holding onto his cane with both hands to support himself.

Bilbi strained her mind and tried very hard to place the man's face. She knew he was familiar, or she would not have opened the door at all. 

"It must have been some years, sir," Bilbi admitted softly, "I'm afraid I'm drawing a blank."

The man sighed and shifted his weight slightly, "I believe your favorite holidays are those that require fireworks, yes?" 

Bilbi frowned at first, then a vision of a tall, silver haired man with a pony-tail visiting the Shire came to her. He brought with him a cart of fireworks, to share amongst the hobbits during one of their summer festivals. Oh how Bilbi marveled at the fine craftsmanship and wondrous chemistry that caused such festive joys when she was younger.

"Gandalf Gray!" Bilbi blinked the memory away and smiled at the realization.

This pleased the man while he smiled down at her. 

"Good Lord," Bilbi breathed, "I haven't seen you since I ...well...I reached your knee. I'm about your hip now, but..." the Hobbit took pause to realize she was on the verge of rambling, "What are you doing here, may I ask?"

"I thought I would pay a visit to an old friend's surviving daughter, since I was in the neighborhood and all that."

"Oh right," she said, feeling silly. "Would you like to come inside? I was about to boil some water, provided my stove works today."

The elderly man nodded and followed Bilbi inside, glancing around the hovel with a silent concern. He took note of the movie that was placed on hold before the screen saver blinked on, then how Bilbi bustled in her small kitchen and hurried to fill a kettle with water and fight with her stove to come to life. 

"I had hoped your inheritance funds would place you in a secure location," Gandalf mentioned.

Bilbi scoffed at herself just before the burner sparked a blue flame. "My inheritance was squandered on a moocher who left me high and dry. Thus this poor excuse of an apartment," Bilbi grumbled openly, which was a surprise to herself since she often kept such business to her own vices. Perhaps she needed to vent more than she gave herself credit.

"Ah," Gandalf eyed the hiking picture in the corner of the room. "I see. Such a hard lesson to learn."

"Yes," Bilbi sighed to herself. "I should throw that picture away. And what's left of him that's here. I could make a few pounds off of his hand-me-down gear at least, it'd buy me a coffee or two. Would you like some Earl Gray? Or I have some Darjeeling left...but I'm afraid that's all I can offer you at the moment." 

Gandalf glanced at his host and grinned softly, "Whichever you can spare, it would be fine enough."

Bilbi turned back around to select the tea, since the Darjeeling was about to be spent anyhow, she may as well finish off the package and save the Earl Gray for later. Using stepping stools and climbing on chairs, Bilbi managed to retrieve the desired tea bags, two mugs, a container of sugar, a bottle of honey and placed it all on the plywood center table. Gandalf watched with a subtle amazement how Bilbi was able to work so quickly while climbing all over the place just to accomplish a simple task for a taller person. An idea grew in his mind and an amused expression started to form when Bilbi slowed down long enough to pour the steaming water into the prepared mugs. Gandalf made his way to the dining room area, where the fixed table was standing and helped himself to a seat. It was then that Bilbi turned around and reached carefully to slide the steeping tea mug towards her guest. 

"So," Bilbi finally sat down with her own mug, though she had to habitually struggle with her over sized chair. "How did you find me? I was too much ashamed to leave an address behind in the Shire."

Gandalf stirred honey in with his tea and hummed at her question, "I have my ways, Ms. Baggins."

"How mysterious," Bilbi mused, stirring her own mug. "You almost sound like a spy."

"Almost?" The old man sounded amused and flattered at the same time. "And what if I was, what would you do then?"

"Hm, I don't know." Bilbi tilted her head at the thought and glanced to the side as if the answer would be in the corner of the room. "Oh I remember the banter you and I used to play when I was younger. Do you?" 

There was a warmth in the room as the Hobbit smiled up at Gandalf, it was noticed to be sure. The silver bearded man grinned again and looked back in his memory.

"Good morning," Bilbi began.

"What do you mean?" Gandalf played along, as if it were a line from a play. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not," he paused dramatically and watched Bilbi smile brightly at him, "or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"

Bilbi took a moment to remember her line from years long past, "I wish you a morning of all good things, regardless."

Gandalf chuckled lightly, "Such a bright child you were. I still see her now, despite your sprout in height."

"You flatter me sir," Bilbi's smile faded back to a distant grin as she looked down at her cup. "I wish I were a child again. Things were so much simpler then. Adventures, tumbles and scrapes, all of those things would disappear the second a homemade meal was prepared. But look at this place." Bilbi looked up at the apartment and had a craving to cry, but she resisted it. "It beats an open alley way, but I'd gladly choose a hole in the ground over this place."

Gandalf hummed a subtle agreement. "Speaking of adventure," he began, his sharp eyes finding his host's. "I am working on a project I think would benefit you in many ways, Bilbi Baggins."

The Hobbit's attention was snagged and her broad and slightly pointed ears twitched at what Gandalf was subtly inviting her to be part of.

"A project? This wouldn't need funding from me, would it?" Bilbi shifted backward in her chair, suddenly wary.

"Oh no, that is already taken care of," Gandalf waved his hand in a dismissive manner at Bilbi's concern. "It's more or less a...'Creative Investigation' one would say."

Bilbi's brows lift up in curiosity and privately wondered if Gandalf's wall was short a brick or not. "Creative how?"

"Why don't I discuss that with you at dinner tonight?" the old man grinned again and drank his tea slowly. 

"There you go with the mysterious thing again," Bilbi cautiously mumbled. 

Bilbi knows a scam when she heard it, a lesson she learned all too harshly within her time in the city. "What are you up to?"

As if on cue, a device on Gandalf's person sounded off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pager. "Ah, I'm sorry dear girl, but I must dash off." With that, he stood up from his chair and slid it back under the table where it belonged. "Thank you so much for the tea. I will see you later about seven, for dinner, if that agrees with you." He then turned and was gone.

The stunned little Hobbit could not muster a halting word as she watched her guest leave almost as suddenly as he appeared. She wondered if this was going to be trouble she could avoid.

~*~

Bilbi debated whether or not to dress up the best she could, for she assumed Gandalf would pick her up and treat her to a restaurant. The Hobbit looked through her oversized closet, carefully balancing herself on a step stool and sighed in borderline disgust in her simple selection. Most of her clothes were worn out or of a tomboy variety. Bilbi did not own many skirts or dresses. Her wardrobe consisted of either denim or pilled cloth. She bit her lip and wondered if she could improvise a decent look. She selected an off-white collared long-sleeved shirt, Capri styled pants and an old-fashioned scarlet vest with golden embroidery and buttons that could stand some reinforcement. She looked at herself in a mirror and fidgeted with her appearance. Bilbi took note she looked more like a male than female, for her clothes hid her natural curve and her chest was not that prominent in layered clothing. This never bothered Bilbi for some reason, so she decided to be content and go ahead to prepare for the oncoming evening. 

The kitchen could stand to be scrubbed, dishes needed to be done and her fridge had to be organized. Before she knew it, six o'clock in the evening arrived. Bilbi sighed to herself and wondered if she had time for last-minute grooming before her outing with Gandalf. A brushing of her teeth, the brushing of her wild curls proved futile, a spritz of a fruity body spray and Bilbi resorted to being satisfied given her limited resources of such things. As the hour came closer, Bilbi found herself getting nervous. 

“Perhaps a pot of tea would settle my nerves,” Bilbi thought to herself.

Just when the stove warmed up a steaming kettle pot, there was a knock on Bilbi's door. The Hobbit cursed under her breath and quickly removed the kettle off the heat and placed it on a cooler section of the stove before going to her door to investigate. Bilbi climbed on her stool to peer through the peep-hole and found a stranger. She held her breath as her mind raced to attempt to recognize the figure. All Bilbi could see was a black mohawk, thick eyebrows and dark eyes peering up expectantly at the peep-hole. The person on the other side of the door was not a Hobbit, but not tall enough to be human. Bilbi prayed, whoever this person was, that they were not a hired bully to press her for money. Reluctantly Bilbi climbed down and timidly opened her door.

"Good evening," Bilbi spoke up the best she could. 

Judging by the shape and broad features, Bilbi guessed this person was a Dwarf. 

"My name's Dwala," the dwarf bowed, keeping sharp dark eyes on Bilbi while doing so. "At your service."

Bilbi gripped the edge of her door. The stern discipline of dwarves was well known, but Bilbi had not been privileged to see one in person until now. 

"B-bilbi Baggins..At yours?" The slightly flustered Hobbit assumed this was a custom greeting among dwarves and only assumed the reaction. 

Bilbi took a moment to study her guest. Geometric or perhaps ruin like tattoos that were a bold sage green were on either side of a thick Mohawk. A beard traced a thin outline from her jaw to her chin. Long eyelashes suggested a suggested the dwarf was a woman. It was then that Bilbi noticed a hint of cleavage beneath what would normally be considered a rag-tag sleeveless shirt. "Oh, my goodness," Bilbi thought to herself, "I've never seen so many muscles on a girl before in my life." 

"Can..Can I help you, Dwala?"

The dwarf stepped forward and edged her way into the doorway, "Gandalf sent me." 

Bilbi stepped back and watched the intrusion play out, not quite sure how to protest at first. "Gan-Gandalf?"

"Aye," the dwarf answered as she looked around the humble apartment, as if measuring it mentally. 

Bilbi frowned some, thinking this dwarf was about to place a harsh judgment on her living space, as a snooty Sackfield-Baggins cousin would. Instead, this Dwala seemed more relaxed than anything. 

Before Bilbi had the nerve to protest, however, her ears picked up heavy boots in the hallway. As While Dwala helped herself to Bilbi’s fridge, the Hobbit peered into the hallway with a wary expression. What she found was another dwarf with a long white beard that reached past his chest and gently split into a soft flip. 

“Oh please...” Bilbi thought. “Please let him not be for me...Oh Please.”

Instead, the stranger spotted Bilbi and smiled with a warmth that was fairly foreign to Bilbi. His stride did not change, nor his quiet manner. Bilbi stiffened as he came close enough to speak to her and not disturb the rest of the hallway.

He clicked his heels softly and bowed. This seemingly polite dwarf was dressed rather dapper compared to the one from earlier. He wore a suit worthy of a lawyer with the scarlet dress shirt under it. A gold watch chain draped across his pocket rim and what looked like a small case of some sort in his pocket. Bilbi could not help but notice the concealed structure. Perhaps it was a case for reading glasses; surely a lawyer type would need such a thing.

“Balin, at your service.”

“G-good..evening.”

“Ah, yes, yes it is,” the dwarf seemed content with the subject. “Though I suspect it may rain later.”

“Um. Sure. Uh..” Bilbi struggled with words to say.

Both their ears seemed to have caught the sound of Dwala rustling in the kitchen. Bilbi leaned back to look for herself, witnessing Dwala taking an arm full of containers filled with leftover hamburger patties and hot dogs. Bilbi squeaked, that was a week’s worth of meals in that dwarf’s hands. There was only a blink when Bilbi saw Balin’s back moving away from her and towards Dwala in the kitchen.

“Ah! Ev’ning Sister!” Balin’s voice had a smile to it and he walked with an extra bounce to his step.

The buff female dwarf turned, then grinned. “Balin! You look wider and shorter than last we met.”

“Wider, not shorter,” Balin corrected.

Dwala placed the food to the side to spare her arms to wrap around her older sibling’s shoulders. Bilbi noted affectionate glances then...WHACK! Dwala head-butted Balin out of the blue. Bilbi jumped at the sight. It must have been a bizarre dwarven greeting, for the two still smirked at each other without any sign of discomfort. 

Bilbi heard more clambering and muffled banters outside her door again; it caused alarm within her as she dared to peek beyond her doorframe. Another pair of dwarves had made their way toward her direction. Bilbi had half a mind to slam the door and forbid the two from entering. She noticed one of them had a limp, that caused her to stare unintentionally. It was a skilled limp, it did not seem clumsy or shaky; it belonged to a dark haired dwarf with light roots. Perhaps this one was feminine also, for their beard was thin compared to the other. The companion had wheat blonde braided hair and a well-groomed beard. They saw Bilbi looking at them and both smiled brightly at her, as if they were pleased to be expected. The Hobbit was caught with great regret. Now she could not turn them away no matter what: It would be so very rude.

"Fili," mentioned the blonde as he inclined his head.  
"And Kili," added the other following the other's lead.  
"At your service!" they echoed.

Bilbi flushed and swallowed, "I..this is..All very unexpected. How many more are there?"

Kili made their way past Bilbi. The sound of a moving air cylinder and a metal gear caught the Hobbit's attention for a brief time before she looked to the other dwarf for her answer.

The blonde only grinned with a mischievous glint in his bright blue eyes. "You'll see soon enough Ms. Baggins," he answered before he proceeded to invade Bilbi's living room. 

"B-but!" Bilbi insisted as she spun around to watch the two newer dwarves make their way into her dining area, "Wait a moment! How many are coming?"

Kili spoke up, "There's thirteen in all."

Th-thirteen? Bilbi's head swam with the number floating about in her mind. Her apartment could barely house two people, much less thirteen! Bilbi fretted and pulled at her maple leaf curls as she entered a state of silent panic. Where the deuce was Gandalf during all of this? So far, four strange dwarves had taken over her kitchen, warming up the leftover stock that Bilbi had hoped to stretch out for a month. 

Bilbi’s eyes widened at a frightening thought, “Oh heavens above me...Mr. Rodeford!”  
She bit her knuckle. The dreaded landlord was very tight-belted when it came to large numbers of people in one location. Parties and reunions were practically forbidden in this hallway. Bilbi darted outside of her apartment and ran down the hallway to a trusted neighbor's. She knocked frantically and bounced on the balls of her long feet, praying that Ms. Hood was on the other side and not out with her Bridge Buddies just yet. When she saw the silver-haired woman open the door, Bilbi breathed a sigh of relief.

"Dear me, child," stated the old human woman as she adjusted her tri-focals on the Hobbit. "Whatever's the matter?"

"Ms. Hood, I am so sorry to bother you," Bilbi forced herself to sound firm. "But it seems I've gotten in over my head. I swear I thought only one guest was coming, now I have thirteen. Maybe fourteen with my luck. I don't know what to do! Mr. Rodeford will evict me for sure, I don't know what to do!" Bilbi was on the verge of hysterics when the older woman placed her hands on the Hobbit's shoulders.

"Now now," cooed Ms. Hood. "I know you're not a sleazy drug-addict as that bitter old-fungus thinks you are. You are a good lass, and any trouble thrust upon you is either fate or otherwise out of your control. I will stall that old goat for as long as I can." With that, the silver-haired woman gave Bilbi a reassuring wink. 

"Sl-sleazy drug addict?" Bilbi quoted.

Ms. Hood shrugged lightly, "That's what he thinks of all unemployed tenants in his complex. But I'll send the word down the hallway. We'll stall him before he gets to you, you have my word, Bilbi."

Bilbi resisted tears again, feeling a genuine affection for the shrunken woman. Not many humans made Bilbi feel welcome, at least there was one human who did. Still, there was a reluctance in returning to her own apartment door. 

The dwarves had helped themselves to Bilbi's plates and silverware. She took note that Kili had taken a seat as the other three bustled in and out of the cooking area. The hamburger patties and sausages were being prepared and Bilbi could not deny the hunger the smell had inspired. Bilbi had a thought to provide T.V. trays to place around the living room, just in case her dining table became overwhelmed. It was inevitable that such pushy guests would continue to flood into her living space. She may as well stay busy doing something to give herself an illusion of control.

As Bilbi predicted, more dwarves came in by the groups. Introducing themselves along with a blur of thick manes of beards and neatly trimmed or thin beards.

Dori was another feminine dwarf judging by the simple, thick material dress she wore. She had a button nose, light gray hair with intricate braids that hugged her scalp in a waving pattern. At the back of her head, a single long silver clasp was perched to hold the rest of her hair . Beside her was a long-faced dwarf with round eyes and long drooped nose. Ori's beard was thick enough to signal maturity, he had no mustache to speak of, but a sheepish grin in its place. 

The next set was Bofur, Bombur and Bifur. All three looked like they were from farther north, far enough to worry about winter caps and flannel shirts. Bifur muttered a lot, but bowed just the same along with the other two, and the streaks of pale gray against his ink black mass of tangled hair had Bilbi in awe at first. There were a few braids in this dwarf's hair, perhaps in an effort to keep his eyes clear, despite how bushy his eyebrows were. Also, Bilbi took notice of a massive scar on Bifur's forehead, which looked rectangular with a few spider webbing smaller scars branching out at the corners. Bilbi could not recognize a single word this dwarf said, though the various words and accents he used reminded her of the few foreign films she owned. Bombur was an incredibly round dwarf, a jolly character to behold indeed. He had ginger hair with a massive braid that connected to either side of his balding head, it seemed like a bizarre necklace. Last, but not least, Bofur was a dark-haired dwarf with sparkling dark eyes to match. Bofur also had a patch of hair on the chin; and the mustache Bofur had grown was braided and carefully tucked behind her ears. Bilbi only came to the feminine conclusion for Bofur because her flannel shirt was opened and a tight white undershirt under it revealed slight hints as to the dwarf's gender. 

Not three minutes later, three more dwarves filed in: Oin, Gloin and Nori. Oin was a barrel chested, hooked nosed dwarf with shades of gray for hair. His beard was fairly interesting, as it was braided in a pattern that reminded Bilbi of a lyar-bird’s tail. Gloin was similar to Oin in structure, with a fierce expression and dark red hair to signify his youth. Behind them was Nori: his nose reminded Bilbi of Ori's which was long and rounded at the tip with other smooth facial features that made him seem like a polished individual. Bilbi resisted a giggle when she saw how Nori fashioned his hair; three brushed up points, as his beard was braided into three complicated looking groups. 

What humor Bilbi had at the moment quickly became saddened sympathy when the dwarf could not bow to her as his company had a habit of doing. He did incline his head, however, which Bilbi accepted readily. Nori had a broad hand braced against the small of his back and his posture was stiff as he clutched a black cane. Bilbi judged Nori to be too young to have such elderly behavior concerning his back, it was obvious he did not recover from an injury properly. Oin ushered Nori inside first as Gloin turned himself to give the dwarf room to walk. Bilbi hurried and placed supportive cushions on the old couch, hoping it was firm enough and it would not swallow the injured dwarf. Nori grinned and nodded to her and graciously accepted the comforting offer. Then Bilbi placed a tray near Nori's sitting place to signify that he did not have to leave the most comfortable seat the Hobbit could afford to spare him. 

Now that the apartment was very crowded, dread continued to pile up in Bilbi's stomach as she watched what food she had being consumed by dwarves she did not expect at all. What little drinks she had available inspired disappointment, but they found her wine, which seemed better than nothing. Twelve Dwarves so far. Only one more, plus Gandalf, who had better have an explanation as to why the poor Hobbit had to sacrifice her carefully-planned one-Hobbit supply.

Finally, Bilbi heard what she expected to be the last knock on her door. The Hobbit went ahead to take hold of the knob, since she did not bother to climb up to see who it was. Bilbi looked up dully to find the smiling silver fox before her, his pointed fedora in hand, his cane held by the other. 

"Gandalf," Bilbi began, debating on how the rest of her tone should carry as agitated or exhausted.

A shadow shifted in the corner of Bilbi’s eye. When she glanced over, Bilbi found fierce blue eyes staring back at her that felt sharp like the edge of a knife. Bibli shivered at the cold expression the dwarf was giving her: it was not angry or bitter but either bored or mildly bemused with Bilbi’s plite. This dwarf had thick, wild looking, coal black hair, with only three braids: two on either side of his head, the other to provide the attempt of a tamed head of hair. His beard was short, but full in body. His build was solid with muscle according to the tight, navy blue shirt. Strong arms were crossed over this dwarf’s broad chest as if to show his worth and superiority without muttering a single word. The hobbit swallowed slowly while her spine straightened by its own will. 

“Bilbi Baggins,” Gandalf began, “Allow me to introduce Thorin Oakenshield.”

Thorin inclined his head slowly yet kept the pale sapphire eyes on his speechless host. 

What protest she had for the man called Gandalf shriveled up and blew away like a smoldering ash from a pipe.


	2. Chapter Two: The First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbi remembers the night before. Confused, reluctant, will she leave everything for such a terrifying venture?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a bit rough. I'm sorry in advance if there is some confusion. It will be figured out and fixed, I swear it.

"Y-you-You can't ask me this!" Bilbi stammered as she paced her living room in a rising panic, but her voice was hoarse yet hushed. "I'm a reformed convict. Reformed! I can't do this. If I'm caught, I can't..I can't go back to jail! I wasted too much of my life there. I can't go back."

Gandalf had taken note of his host's heightened anxiety and knew just what to do. He simply rose his hand and placed it upon Bilbi's head, his thumb and little finger easily spreading to both ears on her head. 

"Shhh," the man cooed. "Shhh..." 

The lady Hobbit froze, her breath stopped for a moment then became deep again. With bright eyes, which were still fearful but a calmer body to be hosted on. She looked up at the elderly man, who was easily two times Bilbi's height. Regardless of his age, this man was able to kneel down to Bilbi's level and place both large hands on her tiny shoulders. 

The rowdy dwarves had, somehow, managed to make themselves fit in the tight apartment. Nori obviously needed a bed, Bilbi did not wish to risk his bad-back to the couch so her bed was offered. Around Nori, huddled the forms of Dori, Ori, Oin, and Gloin. Thorin, Fili, Kili, Dwalin and Balin took up the guest room gladly. Oddly, Bifur, Bofur and Bombur insisted on sleeping in the hallway. Soft and muffled snores could be heard from the rooms and corridor. Bilbi breathed as she continued to look up at Gandalf; a calm returned to her state of mind. 

"My dear girl, I realize I ask much of you." Gandalf began gently. "I cannot guarantee that you will be free of danger or injury. But," the man took this moment to make sure that their eye contact strengthened, "if you do come back from this, and all goes according to plan, I will guarantee a clean slate. You have my word on that."

"Clean slate?"

The man nodded, "I have several friends in Scotland Yard and CIA that could use a consultant of your stature. Not just in your size, but skill. Redemption would be at your fingertips."

Bilbi took a moment for that to settle in. Bilbi Baggins, a recently released convict, being recruited on a high tech heist with no absolute guarantee that she would be safe? All with the possibility of being a consultant? It would be a tempting offer, Bilbi admitted that. She could not deny the adrenaline coursing through her veins as the vague plan of infiltration was discussed in her dining room just merely two hours ago. It would be like a spy movie, only it would be real. With real bullets if things ever went south. The Hobbit swallowed and rubbed her forehead as the complex argument within her mind tried to decide if accepting this deal would be smart or absolutely bonkers. If she were a consultant, perhaps she could afford better lodging, better food, maybe go back to the Shire for a visit. Or stay. Her meager criminal record had prevented her from getting a stable job, much less descent hours for that job. The Sackfield-Baggins branch of Hobbiton would surely treat Bilbi as if she contracted the plague of leprosy. At least she would be able to see her second cousins again, since they have not cut her off just yet. Frodo, her affectionate nephew, would finally hear truthful statements from Bilbi: that she has an honest and stable job and will visit so very soon the moment she was able. 

"But I've only stolen clothes, food and just handfuls of money. I'm no spy or cat burglar..." Bilbi thought out loud to herself, then glanced up at Gandalf who only grinned at her softly.

The man straightened and made his way back to the apartment's door, leaving Bilbi to her thoughts, "I'll see you in the morning, Bilbi. Sleep for now."

The Hobbit heaved a heavy breath as she looked out of her lone window inside the kitchen area. This hole she lived in was falling apart. No matter her talent for solving problems and puzzles, Bilbi could never keep up with this shameful example of a shelter. She remembered the country life and how her family continued the tradition of building their homes inside of a hill. Bilbi admitted she missed the security, the earthy smell of home, of revitalized grass in the morning. Her life in the city had been less than favorable, embarrassing and if anything a little more traumatizing than her idealistic mind could comprehend. Bilbi thought it would be an adventure to be out here amongst the taller folk and make it somehow. Oh how wrong she was. Being a consultant would ease such things, maybe. 

However, that judgmental stare that Thorin person gave her. It was like her trial all over again and it caused her to shiver with dread since Thorin never blinked as he just stared right into her. Bilbi could tell that Thorin was a hardened character and it was hard for him to trust just anyone. By the way the thirteen dwarves behaved around each other, it was like they were all close family. Bilbi was the outsider another outsider was dragging in. According to her spy-movie collection, that was often a recipe for disaster. Especially if a Rookie was the center of the whole plot of the mission. For all Thorin knew, Bilbi was a screw-up more suited to help Bofur with a distraction skit. That thought made Bilbi grit her teeth.

Screw Up... That was a vile phrase in Bilbi's ears, but she never had the nerve to deny it. Her parents were such respectable folk, despite her mother's occasional impulse to run in the open field to chase a butterfly or two. To have Bilbi, their only daughter bring shame on the Baggins Name by reducing herself to a lowly thief... It would be a wonder that the Shire community's stare would not set Bilbi ablaze. Her mother was always an understanding soul, but even she was disappointed in her little adventurer when Bilbi was arrested for shoplifting. Her father did not talk about the situation, nor to her. Perhaps he did not know how to approach the situation or adapt to his own disappointment. While incarcerated, Bilbi learned that her parents suffered an accident on the way out of the Shire, both died in a freak accident of weather and faulty breaks. It hurt Bilbi so deeply, believing the accident was somehow her fault, since the motive of her parents leaving the Shire was to visit her in the jail. If only Bilbi could make them proud again, to make up for her past-stupid sins and move past "screw up."

As Bilbi laid on the couch, staring up at her blank, flat ceiling, her mind raced. Redemption, secure rates, a better life, danger, thrills, clutching the prize in her hands as victory and satisfaction washed over her and for once in a long time she would be happy. Bilbi fell asleep with a dream of being a graceful character in one of her favorite movies, with incredible skill even the skeptical Thorin would grin at. Her slight of hand tricks and riddles for diversion would earn her the fabled Dwarven inheritance, praise would be given as she was hoisted into the air like a hero. Visions of the possible bounty flashed through her dreams, Bilbi's imagination conjured possible shapes and colors that this treasure may take as she took hold of the prize. 

The sunlight pierced the living room, via the kitchen window. Bilbi groaned and let a heavy forearm land on top of her eyes and listened a moment to the apartment. She expected the last of her bacon to be cooking; according to the self-helping guests she hosted the night before. Bilbi sat up, her eyes still heavy with sleep. Her wild maple colored hair stuck out every which way it could as she stumbled about the living room. Her clothes were wrinkled and twisted about on her body, but she was too lazy to correct it at the moment. 

It was quiet. Dealthly quiet. It was almost unnerving. Perhaps she just had a vivid dream that thirteen dwarves crashed in and helped themselves to her food and hospitality. As Bilbi looked inside her refrigerator, the truth was revealed. It really happened, for there was only a couple mouth-fulls of juice, two slices of bacon and one small egg left inside the chilly container. Bilbi straightened and closed the door. 

She thought long and hard about her situation as she glanced over at her calender. Bilbi took a mental note that the red circled number was the very moment she was waking up to. The rent was due and dread woke Bilbi up with gusto. Panic settled in her gut as she realized such a payment was too much for her to handle and yet with the unexpected party last night, it caused her to completely forget about this dire situation. The landlord could hardly afford charity cases and poor Bilbi was broke without a job. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Bilbi remembered the night before. 

The dinner party was loud enough for the Landlord's attention to be grabbed with a vengence. Surely the compassionate tennants (which were few) tried their best to keep Mr. Rodeford at bay, but he no doubt pushed them away. There was a furious banging on Bilbi's door, which caused her to cringe as if she was being whipped. Some of the dwarves quieted down, the female ones especially. Gandalf did nothing except bending forward and glanced over at the door. Another furious group of banging before Bilbi gathered what strength she had to walk over to answer the door. With a thick gulp, she opened the creaky door.

There stood Mr. Rodeford, the obese terror from the ground floor. He wore a vivid red t-shirt and tan colored slacks, along with an obvious taupe. The human glared down at Bilbi with so many accusations that it took him a moment to put words to them. Bilbi huddled against the edge of her door, as if to use it as a shield. 

"What's this then?" spouted Mr. Rodeford. "Having a party with hoolagan friends? A drug rave? Or is it that you've finally sold yourself so low that you had to have'em all at once so to save time?"  
Bilbi's eyes widened in horror as to what Rodeford was suggesting, but she could not muster the words to say anything. Mr. Rodeford used his size to intimidate and it always seemed to work.

The gruff human crossed his massive arms and bent himself to be closer to Bilbi's face. His breath was horrid, which caused Bilbi to cringe all the more. "I won't have such foul deeds in this complex! I ought ta throw you out this very second!"

Without Bilbi's notice, one of the dwarves came up behind her and encouraged the door to widen. Bilbi looked to see the lady dwarf named Dori with her chest puffed up and a scowl on her face that could easily rival Rodeford's.

"A foul man, you are!" Dori expressed her disgust with the man rather easily. "Those are tall claims you are pushing."

Bilbi shrank behind the door, just knowing that she was evicted for sure. 

Rodeford did not seem swayed by the lady dwarf at all. "Who are s'pposed ta be? That lil' whelp's Pimp?"

Dori stared at him, aghast at such a dirty suggestion. Then she glared to an even intensity of her flushed fury. The other dwarves in the kitchen knew a storm was brewing and sounded amused. Bilbi's dread only continued to build, yet she continued to hide behind the door.

"Say that to me again," she dared him sternly.

Rodeford began to speak a louder quote when his voice suddenly hitched and hit a higher note than Bilbi was used to hearing. This caused a morbid curiosity in the Hobbit, so she peered around the door. Bilbi's eyes widened and her face matched the redness of a ripe apple. She covered her mouth and eyes, yet peered through her fingers. Dori, one of the well-mannered dwarves of the company, had reached out and took a firm hold of Rodeford's pride under his trousers. 

"I believe you owe my Hostess an apology," Dori spoke up again, her tone remaining calm. 

Nori sputtered and attempted so hard to stifle himself with his hand. He rolled to a hip against the couch, biting his knuckle while a chuckle escaped his throat. Bilbi stared up at Mr. Rodeford, the thought of him submitting was a bizarre one. However, the man seemed desperate to get out of Dori's grasp. With what effort he had, he spoke up.

"Seems..I ..made a mistake," Rodeford gasped out.

Dori glared up at him and squeezed harder, "And?"

Rodeford's knees nearly buckled, but he panted to keep himself up, "I'm..Sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Good man," Dori let the Landlord go. "I'll trust you won't assume anything out of this hovel you deam suitable for a dignified person to live in. Good night." she ended stirnly, her broad hand gripping the edge of the door firmly.

Rodeford shook his head eagerly, "No ma'am," then he limped away, groaning meekly as he made his way down the corridor.

With the close of the door, Dori turned to Bilbi, "Where is your washroom, dear? I've a terrible urge to clean my hand."

Bilbi blinked back into reality and shook herself free from a frozen state, "Uh..Yes, this way." 

The washroom was revealed to be in the middle of the single hallway to Dori's left. Bilbi could not help but express a soft grin to convey silent gratitude for what just happened. The dwarven lady only winked at her and proceeded to cleanse her hands of the fifth they were exposed to. 

It was then Bilbi heard the guffaw of laughter back in the kitchen. The dwarves showed a great deal of restraint to witness such an embarrassing scene to play out. When Bilbi followed Dori back towards the dining room, Balin had stood up to greet her personally and took her freshly cleaned hand in to both of his.

"A lovely act, Miss Dori," Balin had a twinkle in those dark eyes of his. "Noble as ever."

Bilbi witnessed the Lady Dwarf swoon slightly as her free hand pressed against her gentle pinked cheek, "Oh Mr. Balin," she breathed. 

Balin kissed the back of Dori's hand before the table had another laughing fit. Bilbi glanced around the room; Gandalf seemed very entertained as he smirked and kept his legs crossed in his seat. Thorin's arms were crossed, but he enjoyed the show as well, though his eyes remained on Dori's and Balin's obvious affection for each other. Ori had moved to the couch to sit next to his brother and the eating commenced like nothing worse than a joke had happened. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 

Dazzed, Bilbi wandered into her living room again. She glanced at the poor excuse for a mantle. She noticed a opened envelope was dangling off the edge, for someone had tapped it there on the edge of the mantle. No doubt it was the contract that she glanced over and panicked about. Gandalf, that crafty old fox, probably placed it there for Bilbi to find again and reconsider her decision. 

 

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Another memory struck her. As the food disappeared and plates stacked up inside the sink behind them; the dwarves became serious whilst they rolled out a map against the table's surface. Nori had dared to stand up with the aid of his cane and a worried Ori at his side as he joined the table. Bilbi could not help herself but to take a peek at the map on her table. It looked like a blueprint of a complicated floor of a building. 

Nori seemed to have great knowledge about this map and pointed out the camera points of that floor with his finger. 

"According to my sources," Nori began, "aside from cameras, there are laser traps, pressure traps and heat wave trapes. This security system is thorough."

Thorin peered up at Nori through his thick black eyebrows, "Have you a way in, Nori?"

"Aye, sir." Nori nodded as he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Ori to unfold and flatten against the map already there. "Gandalf's connections figured out a side entrance. Granted, it starts in the basement, but with a nimble body, it ought to be a worthy climb and by-pass most of the security."

"Most of?" Fili chimed in. "What can't be avoided?"

Nori rubbed the back of his neck, "Well...There's the heat traps I mentioned earlier. But by far, that's all I know about this section of the building. The wares have updated since I've last looked. I am still filtering information about the place. I'll have it figured by the time we reach it." This dwarf sounded confident in his report, despite how vague he sounded to Bilbi's ears.

"How're we going to get someone in the entrace to start with," asked Kili as she shifted in her chair to get a better view. 

Gandalf's voice added onto the conversation, "Not easily. Drake Smauge's facial recognition programs will point out each one of you if we tried a frontal infiltration. A back door approach would be less than savory as well."

"A diversion?" Bofur asked absently, peering over at Gandalf. "Some of us never worked to the Erebore Estate, or were too young to. Surely not all of us are in th' program."

"That remains to be seen, Miss Bofur. That is an encouraging thought, however. I will have to see about that." Gandalf leaned back and stroked his short beard, taking a glance at Bilbi. "I would suggest a completely fresh face to introduce to Smauge's so-called domain, just in case he recorded all dwarves in precaution." 

Thorin scoffed, "This hobbit does not seem that brave to me. I doubt pressure is her strong suit."

Bilbi resisted a flinch as her chest and belly felt a cold discomfort form. Her eyes looked to the side and towards the floor. The incident with the Landlord earlier did not help her image at all. 

Dwala seemed to agree with Thorin, "A heist is no place for an amateur. You're a daft old man t' think differently." 

"Enough," Gandalf huffed. "Bilbi is perfectly capable of aiding your efforts, Thorin Thrainson. Her mind is sharp. Hobbits are light on their feet and can disappear from view if they truly needed to. Mayhaps she'd be able to think of something you can't."

Thorin scoffed again, "What could she possibly know of burgling at this magnitude?"

The other dwarves started to protest as well, mentioning that Bilbi seemed too young, too frail, too easily started to be much of use. 

Bilbi frowned and called out,"W-wait a moment!" Remarkably, the din quietly slightly, "Don't I have a say in this at all? What are you lot trying to pull off here? Did I hear a heist?" Then Bilbi turned to Gandalf, both hands on her hips, "'Creative Investigation?' This is what you meant?"

The older human grinned over at Bilbi, "More or less."

Bilbi's head swam, she felt like she was about to topple over. This could not be happening! It just could not happen. Bilbi was being dragged in to a covert opperation only because she would not be recognized by a paranoid business man's security system.

"What is so important to go to such lengths for?" Bilbi managed to speak.

"The Erebore Estate once belonged to the Durin clan," Fili spoke up, gesturing to Thorin, himself and his younger sister. "However, Drake Smauge had other plans. He undermined our family and took the property for himself, kicking us to the street. He fired every single one of dwarven blood and black-listed them all somehow."

"We all got scorched in a way," Dori added bitterly. "Nori injured his back, rigging that monster security tech. Slipped right off the ladder he was on. Was fired before he could utter a grunt."

Nori waved a hand at his sister to encourage her to hush. Dori only sighed in irritation then crossed her arms. 

"It seems that if anyone crosses Smauge the wrong way, they get black listed," Bofur added. "So much as look at him in the eye wrong, your record turns to ash and you are ruined for a long time."

"Bl-black listed?" Bilbi knew what that meant. 

"Yup. Like a piece of charred wood. Poof! Like a pile a' ash. Gone, non existent, brutalized. Even identity protective services can't help ye."

Bilbi certainly felt faint just then. Gandalf decided to stand up and announce it was time to decide where to sleep, for the early morning ahead. Bilbi shook her head again, looking to Nori who gripped his lower back with gritted teeth. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Then it finally clicked in Bilbi's brain as she stared at the offered contract. She absolutely had to go with the dwarves. Things happen for a reason and facing homelessness again was not favorable. Bilbi spun on her heel and rushed into her room, stuffing what spare-moment of supply she could think of in a hiker's pack her ex-boyfriend carelessly left behind.

Clothes, small hygiene products, what snack foods she could find left over in the cabinet, a couple books on magician's secrets and lock manuals she collected over the years, a hair brush and her mother's embroidered handkerchief. A bed roll (a thin sleeping bag included) was already prepared on the pack, for Bilbi had no previous need to remove it since its last use. She pulled on her lucky jacket that her father used to wear in his college days, hauled the massive pack onto her back, snatched a whittled walking stick she made a few years back and practically ran out of the door but not without the contract she had almost forgotten about. Bilbi glanced around her apartment, for what she thought to be the last time. Movies and electronic things could be replaced, the photos could not. She took up the photo of her parents and her cousin's wedding and shoved them into her pack for safe keeping. Then she picked up the hiking picture of her and the Ex. That memory was dumped into a trash bin with a satisfying thud. 

Bilbi did not care of the neighbors heard her running down the hallway and made her way down the stairs. She rushed past the oafish landlord, who stared after her and demanded the rent money.

"I'm kicking myself out, Mr. Rodeford!" Bilbi called back to him and waved with a gleeful smile. "Sell what's left, I won't need it!" With that she turned around and continued to run towards a bus stop.

The human landlord just stood there, scratching his head, then carelessly shrugged and headed to the suggestion. What did it matter to him if the Hobbit finally lost her mind?

By the time Bilbi had a moment to slow down and catch her breath, there was a tall elderly man in a heather gray suit and a polished oak cane in his hand waiting for her with a all-knowing smirk on his face. 

Bilbi smiled back as she panted, "Am I late?"


	3. The Hobbit: The Unexpected Heist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbi makes her decision.

When the bus started to move, Bilbi felt butterflies form in her tiny stomach. This had to have been the second most reckless thing she had ever done in her life! Yet there she was, staring down at an unsigned contract, flat and smoothed out against her lap. 

This contract meant that Bilbi would be dedicated to the biggest gamble life had to offer her. There was no guarantee of safety or success. There was the faint hope that this, if successful, would give Bilbi a fresh, clean start. Thoughts of the Shire filled her mind as she fantasized about reclaiming Bag-End with a small sack of dwarven money. Bilbi could stand to look her beloved nephew in the eye again and smile full heartedly because her life was back on track. She could no longer be ashamed of her past. Bilbi could settle down and never worry about an electric bill or food storage ever again.

Gandalf inclined his head in order to look at Bilbi, who was staring out of the window. The elderly man glanced at the reflection the window made of Bilbi's expression, which caused him to grin slightly. The troubled Hobbit looked lost in pleasant thoughts, no doubt about that. However, Gandalf needed Bilbi to focus.

"Bilbi."

The Hobbit blinked and turned her head sharply towards Gandalf, "Yes?" 

"The contract," the old man gestured towards the paper on her lap. "I noticed it is not signed just yet."

"Oh..Oh!" Bilbi looked down at her lap again, then patted her pockets, then her back pack. "Erm, could I trouble you for a pen?"

Gandalf admitted a grin then reached for an inside pocket of his heather-grey blazer. Bilbi received a mahogany colored fountain pen with a brass trim. The hobbit could not help but admire the simple but beautiful craftsmanship of such a pen. Gandalf was well off, or at least he knew the right people to have such nice writing tool. 

"There we go," Bilbi sighed lightly while she replaced the pen's cap carefully. "Signed and ready."

"Good," Gandalf grinned as he took the pen back and placed it in its home. "Balin would be pleased."

"Where are we meeting? I noticed that non of the others are on this bus."

"Towards the edge of the city," Gandalf answered simply, keeping a grip on his oak cane with both hands. "There we will start a long drive cross-country."

"Why not fly? Would that not be faster?" Now Bilbi was attempting a conversation.

Gandalf chuckled at the thought, "I have never met a dwarf who was found of a plane or anything that was too far off of the ground. Aside from that, it would be impossible."

"Why is that?"

"I'm afraid Thorin has a bit of a 'dangerous reputation' and it would be difficult to get him through a security check."

Bilbi was starting to get nervous, "Dangerous how?"

Gandalf glanced back at the hobbit, "Thorin Oakenshield was wrongly accused for murdering his father and grandfather for the sake of power and money. He is under my custody until his innocence can be proven."

Bilbi's eyes widened, her mouth dropped and her muscles tightened. "I-w-um..."

Gandalf reached into his front pocket and pulled out what looked like a smart-phone. He clicked an app with his thumb then revealed the screen to Bilbi. There was a map and a flashing green dot showing off a location and a red dot that was approaching said area. 

"I always know where he is. And I promise you, he did not do what is said of him. So you will be safe with Thorin and his company at the very least." Gandalf closed the screen out and placed the device back into his pocket. 

The hobbit relaxed her shoulders some and busied her hands with folding the contract back up, then placing it back into its envelope.

"I trust your judgment, Mr. Gray," Bilbi stated as she placed the document into her jacket pocket.   
Bilbi could not comprehend the reason of trust. Usually Hobbits were wary of taller folk, regardless of how modern and accepting the races have become over the centuries. She trusted that it would just be Mr. Gray that came to see her that night, instead she received fourteen guests. Thirteen people she had never met in her life and Bilbi was expected to cooperate and function with them like a team. Having this..."assignment" was better than spending one more day in that apartment complex, though Bilbi was already starting to miss her movies and books that she had to leave behind. Such things can be replaced, she had to remind herself of that. This opportunity, however, could not be replaced. It was too late to turn back. Bilbi could not turn back if she tried, there was literally nothing for her back there. Just forward, that is all she could do.

Finally, the bus reached the side of the city that they needed to be. Mr. Gray stood up first and made his way towards the door, stretched out his hand politely to help Bilbi up and exit with him. The dwarves were waiting by two small vans, plus one motorcycle. Dwala leaned against the cycle, dressed in a thick leather jacket with a cigarette between her lips. Thorin was standing near her, also dressed in a leather jacket with denim clothing under it. Thorin looked anxious, paranoid; with good reason after hearing what Gandalf had explained. Dwala was calm, but vigilant. 

When Bilbi and Gandalf Gray walked up towards the group, Bilbi noticed that the rest of the company were waiting inside of the vans. Some looked sleepy still or extremely bored. Dwala and Thorin peered at Mr. Gray, then down at Bilbi; both seemed a bit skeptic. This did not surprise or shock Bilbi. In honesty, there was no blame to be shared, Bilbi would be a skeptic too.

"I-I signed it," Bilbi held up the envelope to Dwala, her shyness kicked in and could not meet the dwarf in the eye.

Dwala took the envelope, glanced at and around it before quietly taking it to a window of one of the vans. A window opened, revealing Balin's face in a driver's seat. He looked over the contract, checking if the signatures were where they were supposed to be, then gave his sister an approving nod. Thorin admitted a sigh at the situation, gestured with an incline of his head towards the vans then walked towards them. Bilbi assumed to join them in the vehicles, then she glanced back at Gandalf, who stood behind. 

"Aren't you coming?" Bilbi asked him.

Mr. Gray grinned politely, "Gracious, no. I would not be able to fit my old bones in there. Do not worry, however. My transportation is right over there. I am acting as scout today, so I will be ahead and warn the company if there are road blocks or traffic that can be avoided. For now, you'll be riding in this van here." he patted the last van with his hand. "I'm sure Mr. Nori would be anxious to break you in."

Bilbi felt her face heat up. She nodded to the elderly man, then hurried to the van to awkwardly take her seat before the group took off to their journey. Indeed, the most impulsive thing Bilbi has ever done in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll try to focus on shorter chapters. The longer ones seem to be tedious and cause anxiousness on my end. Whimpy me, right?


	4. First Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warming up to a group isn't easy. Bilbi endures one night of many among her new company.

It was a long and quiet drive. Bilbi curled herself up on the seat of the van and awkwardly reached into her back pack. She certainly did not want to crowd Nori, who was sitting next to her, so she took up as little space as possible. Behind her sat Bifur, Bombur and Bofur. Up front was Balin and Dori, who drove and navigated. Ori was on the other side of Nori. Indeed it was a tight fit, but Bilbi managed just fine. What she pulled out of her pack was her hand book for slight of hand tricks, to refresh her memory and for something to do. There were plenty of tricks that involved objects or string, distractions and so forth. Plenty of which that Bilbi did not feel appropriate to practice in a tightly packed van. The potential burglar simply flexed her hands and imitated the images shown on the pages in front of her. 

Nori could not help but be amused by these attempts, then quietly shook his head. Balin and Dori had their own world to worry about, and to keep up with the van in front of them. Dori often giggled at some charismatic thing Balin would say just to make the conversation carry longer. Nori only rolled his eyes and pretended not to be disgusted by their twitter-pated behavior. Ori simply smiled up toward the two, he seemed to be the romantic of the Ri family. Bifur, Bombur and Bofur in the back had made due with their time by either reading, snacking or simply gazing out of the window. 

"So, Bilbi, was it?" Bofur finally spoke up, which startled the hobbit considerably.

"Erm, yes. Yes it is," Bilbi straightened and looked over her shoulder. "You're, um, Bofur?"

The tom-boy Dwarf smiled, "Yup. What changed your mind? To come on this crazy venture I mean."

"I, well," Bilbi stammered but resisted turning away. "Despite my panic, I thought it would be a good opportunity to take while I still could."

Bilbi was careful not to mention her landlord or the fact she was on the brink of being evicted no matter what lengths she took to the contrary. It was inevitable without a clean slate to work with.   
"Ah, that's our excuse too," mentioned Bofur as she gestured to her brother and cousin to her left. "Bombur used to cook for the Erebore Manner, and Bifur there handled the foreign accounts. I for one, used to watch the surveillance with Nori. We'd be eyeing for cheaters, swindlers, you name it. "

"So this is all a vendetta?" Bilbi asked without much thought.

It worried Bilbi a bit when she recieved a smile in response, "You could say that. Almost all of us thirteen have been black listed. We can't get a job to save our lives."

"Word has it," Ori chimed in, "That Drake Smaug has this computer program, see, and uses a kind of virus that latches on t' each name listed. If that name pops up on any international network, black list. No matter what. If you were fired for just lookin' wrong, black list."

Bilbi swallowed hard, "That's a bit harsh."

Bofur scoffed, "Harsh is puttin' it nice! If we get our hands on that virus and figure out how to reverse it, then we all could have our lives back."

"Not to mention our due pay," Nori muttered as he carefully adjusted in his seat. "But that's not the juicy part of this operation. We need to clear Thorin's name, and that clearing is in Smauge's vault. Along with the Durin heir looms, deeds, an' other documents an' riches."

Ori spoke up again, "Smauge is a paranoid creature. That's why he black lists every one he fires, so no one'll have anything to show for it if they ever try to stand up to him."

"Oh right," Bilbi breathed, "I remember that part. So how long a trip are we looking forward to?"

"Oh," Bofur sighed and crossed her arms, "I'd say about a week's drive really. Not includin' the stops and camping off to the side."

"Camping?" Bilbi frowned.

"Yeah! We can't just walk into a hotel, can we?" Bofur gestured her hand around her head. "All but five of us are considered criminals, or have no credit to our name. Besides that, our beloved leader's on th' watch list for the news. We'd be lucky to get past five days on this trip."

Bilbi sank into her seat while she clutched her book with a vice grip. Butterflies formed in Bilbi's gut again with a heavy feeling of dread. Oh what had she gotten herself in to really? This was suddenly more than just redemption. This trip was going to be life changing or destroying. 

~~~~

The camp site was set up before Bilbi could really register where to make herself useful. At least three tents were up before the hobbit could unfold her sleeping back from her pack. Surely an exaggeration, but the stunned and nervous Bilbi was in too much of a daze to properly comprehend time properly. There was a sense of dread, for Bilbi could not fit so much of a tarp inside her backpack. She would have to share with some of the dwarves she traveled with, which left her with an awkward feeling in her stomach. If anything, Bilbi was ignored and placed to the side as the others of the company kept themselves busy with the camp. The hobbit just made herself comfortable on a seat that was inside the van. Perhaps she could sleep in the vehicle instead of bothering the dwarves. It would not be the first time Bilbi slept in a car. 

Bombur, along with Bofur, started to prepare dinner as soon as a fire was built. Bilbi watched with fascination how easily this came to everyone, as if camping outside in the wilderness was second nature to them. Then again, Bilbi remembered, the dwarven race is a more military based people. Survival is taught at a young age, along with smithing skills and combat. No one with a sober mind would want to arm wrestle a dwarf and with good reason. Dwarves were known for their incredible physical strength and fierce competitiveness. This group seemed tight-knit, as Bilbi noticed the night before in her apartment. Family was sacred to dwarves, though one would be a shady character or someone of a more innocent mind, no one was left behind. Bilbi could not help but envy that. But that is a story for another time.

Kili was interesting to watch. At first she limped, but once she got into a certain rhythm, even her brother could not keep up with her. Kili certainly could pull her own weight around the camp site: she helped with the bags, the food Bombur needed, the tools Bofur needed to help prepare said food, even with a tent. That dwarf could not be stopped. More of her synthetic leg was exposed too, a sterling silver looking material with its own nicks and scratches. Kili seemed very proud of her leg. 

Ori was something to behold. He was not a typical dwarf that earned the stereo-type of being rough and brutish. Ori was soft spoken and often fiddled with his fingers or the scarf around his shoulders. Dori often had him engaged with manual things like holding something steady or still while a tent was raised or if something needed to be fixed for that particular moment. Bilbi was impressed by how his strength did not match his lack of boldness. She did not witness anyone solely hold up a tent by a single tether before; but Ori managed to pull it off. Amazing. 

Thorin over saw everything off to the side. His azure eyes scanned the surroundings suspiciously, his hand over his hip where Bilbi could see a holster for a gun. This made Bilbi very nervous: she had never used a gun in her life, much less been that exposed to the things. Dwala was at his side though, to help him watch, perhaps to keep his nerves from pulling his trigger prematurely. They seemed to have a silent understanding of one another, which caused Bilbi to wonder.

Her thoughts were cut short when her ears caught hold of an approaching car riding across the recieving road behind the campsite. Instantly Bilbi curled up and ducked deeper into the van. She peered over the edge of the seat, then she recognized it as the same car Gandalf Gray drove off in that very morning. A sigh of relief left her chest as Bilbi crawled out of the van and shyly peeked around the tail-light. Mr. Gray straightened his blazer and placed his fedora back on his head before he approached the company, Thorin first. From what Bilbi could tell by the facial expressions exchanged, nothing was worth being alarmed over. 

Mr. Gray turned his head and grinned over at Bilbi and approached her. Bilbi stood away from the van and grinned back for politeness sake. 

"The drive was awkward enough," Bilbi began, Mr. Gray chuckled. "Are you sure I should be here?"

Gandalf set his large hand on the hobbit's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "My dear Bilbi, there is far more to you than you give yourself credit." With that, he winked, then stepped away to offer assistance to the camp site. 

Again, the hobbit felt awkward and very out of place. So, abiding to her natural talent, she remained out of sight, being as it was that the dwarves ignored her to begin with. Until-

"Ah, Bilbi," Bofur's voice caught her attention.

Bilbi had made herself comfortable in the opened van again, lost in her own thoughts before Bofur brought her back. "U-um, yes?"

A bowl of stew was offered to her, "It's not much, but'll keep ye til mornin' I'd hope."

"Oh! Thank you. Sorry." Bilbi quickly accepted the bowl.

Bofur tilted her head at Bilbi, "Fer what?"

"Um..." Bilbi trailed off.

The lady dwarf merely shrugged and headed back towards the campfire. Maybe Bilbi was an outsider, but remaining outside of the circle did seem a bit counter-productive. After she had closed the van door behind her, Bilbi made her way towards the circle of dwarves, who were already conversing and pushing each other in jest. Bilbi was careful not to collide with anyone as she found an unoccupied place to sit. 

Dwala and Gloin had a game of strength going. They sat themselves on either side of a log and placed their elbows against the surface, their hands locked tight as they wrestled for dominance. Bilbi watched curiously. Gloin seemed strained, though he was not going to admit it. Dwala only smirked, not a single droplet of sweat on her. Bofur became excited and offered bets on who the winner would be. Nori was certainly not going to refuse such an opportunity and bet on Dwala's victory; along with Ori, Dori and Bifur. Oin was loyal to his brother, though he was the only other dwarf that wanted to part take in the gambling. Balin was too smart for this game and just shook his head in a bemused fashion. Thorin looked on with Gandalf Gray, both silent but both amused. There was a guffaw of laughter once Dwala, indeed, won the so called battled against Gloin (who nodded at her in true sportsman fashion). 

Then all was still when a strange howl was heard. It was distant, but the sound was no less terrifying, to Bilbi at the very least. Everyone became very tense, even Mr. Gray. On instinct, Bilbi stood up in alarm when the sound fully registered in her ears and she blindly stared into the darkness. 

"Orcs?" Kili's voice broke the silence, her gaze fell to her fair brother.

"Let's hope not," he murmured back to her. 

Bilbi swallowed. "Orcs?" she dared to ask out a little louder. 

Mr. Gray looked over at her with wary blue eyes, "A great distance off."

Bilbi eased herself back down on the stump she was sitting on. Her eyes wandered the campsite again, all the dwarves were quiet. Not fearful, but cautious. Orcs were a natural enemy to anybody. It was not often to see an orc within city limits, unless someone needed a hired muscle for something. Thorin looked especially agitated by the possibility that an Orc Pack could become conscious of their location and would more than likely want to pillage the site. His knuckles were white against his knees, his intense eyes focused on the woods around them and his breath was nearly non-existent.

Another howl, which was more faint than the last they heard. The dwarves breathed easily, Thorin included. Still... the lot turned in their bowls and crawled into their tents for the night. Thorin remained awake to watch over the camp. Bilbi opened the van up again, which sounded horribly loud compared to earlier in the evening. The hobbit felt Thorin's gaze on her, which caused her to freeze. Frigidly, Bilbi looked over her shoulder to confirm that Thorin was judging her at this point. Quickly, he climbed inside and closed the door behind herself and laid across the seats within. Anything to duck away from that silent gaze of his.


	5. Cleverness and Magic Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbi finds that she can improvise with three gigantic trolls.

The Hobbit: The Unexpected Heist

Chapter Five: Cleverness and Magic Tricks

 

Four days it was like that: Camping out to save money, Bilbi and Nori slept in the van while everyone else endured the tents outside. Now and again Nori would speak up and offer Bilbi to practice her burgling and tutor her. For a security expert, Nori knew exactly how thieving was done, which made him so invaluable to the original owners of the Erebore Estate. As Bilbi remembered, Nori was injured on the job and Drake Smaug made sure he could never work again. Which was incredibly cruel, however such power-mad business owners were rarely so merciful. Bilbi was happy to learn from Nori, in fact she enjoyed it very much; which surprised the dwarf believe it or not. 

Nori did take notice that Bilbi enjoyed the challenge of bending her mind as a theif would: which provided an unexpected source of entertainment on his part. It was like watching someone solve a puzzle that they enjoyed. Nori had not seen such an expression in years, it was certainly refreshing. And so, Nori was the second dwarf to warm up to Bilbi. At first out of requirement, then it was instinctual.

The first, of course, was Bofur to warm up to Bilbi. She was, after all, the first to offer Bilbi food in an awkward situation. Sometimes conversations would be engaged and most times Bofur started them. Usually by questions or thoughts that came from no where in particular. Bilbi thought Bofur was odd, but very much likeable. Bilbi warmed up to Bofur just as easily, so it may be assumed that it was a mutual agreement they both warmed up at the same time.

Thorin still rolled his eyes at Bilbi, unimpressed by her efforts: be it trying to help with the firewood, cooking, preparing, or helping distribute the bowls of food Bombur would prepare. Bilbi did her best not to be discouraged by Thorin's cold behavior, which was a hard feat to accomplish. For the leader of the Company, Thorin did not talk much, unless it was to give direction or encouragement to take an alternate route. Most of the time, Thorin and Bilbi would be in separate vans, so their interactions were minimal. Which was fine: Thorin wanted Bilbi to be continuously intimidated, he had achieved it. 

During the third day's ride, Bilbi remembered she had a cell phone in her jacket pocket. The song of the phone startled her, which caused a mild jolt with the others riding with her. This time Thorin was in the same van as Bilbi, there was a switch around at the last rest stop. No one admit this in Bilbi's presents, but Thorin was nearly forced to trade spots with Bofur, by Mr. Gray. The gruff dwarf had no idea why such a move was necessary, but he hardly had the power to argue with the agent, there for he complied. 

"Hello?" Bilbi spoke up to the opened phone. The expression she had was tired at first, however when she heard the voice on the other end, Bilbi's face lit up imediately. "Frodo! My darling, how are you?"

This was the first moment of positive excitement Bilbi had admitted since the dwarves invaded her apartment those few days ago. Admittedly, Thorin became curious and listened the best he could. 

"How's school? Are you keeping up?" 

Thorin could hear a higher voice on the phone, though the words could not totally be made out. He could assume that Frodo was a male name, he was young, and was very eager to brag about something.

"That's wonderful, darling!" Bilbi smiled brightly, her eyes smiling with fondness. 

Her fingers traced and covered her lips multiple times as she listened to Frodo. Thorin also took note that Bilbi's lips tightened several times as her fingers pressed against them: she was resisting to cry. It was a look he often found on his older sister, Dis. That brought him a bitter memory, to be saved for another time. 

"Oh, me?" Bilbi stiffened and looked out of the van's window. "Well, I got a job finally. Yeah! It looks promising and I've made a couple friends so far. It's wonderful. The job?" Bilbi wetted her lips in thought, trying to come up with a clever answer that was not truly a lie. "I'm...an assistant. I'm to gather certain things for my company leader, see. Yes, like a gaffer, that's exactly it!" she smiled again, admitting a chuckle as she spoke. 

Thorin perked an eyebrow at Bilbi's behavior, then hummed to himself as he looked forward before it seemed he was staring at the new burglar. 

"I believe that's the happiest I've seen our burglar since we left the city."

Thorin looked over at the driver, "You think she's as miserable as we are, Balin?"

The old lawyer chuckled deeply, "Perhaps. By far I'm trusting your and Mr. Gray's judgment. Nori and Bofur seem taken with her, be it on professional terms or not."

"She's yet to earn anything from me," Thorin said quietly as he slumped against the passenger seat. "Doing petty chores won't place her in my good graces just yet."

"Understood," Balin nodded. 

Thankfully, Bilbi could not eavesdrop on their conversation; she was too focused in conversing with her favorite nephew.

As usual, the dwarves drove until nightfall. The vans were parked a ways from the road and the camp was made once again. Bombur heated up what was left of the stew and tried to improvise other things to eat with what he had at his disposal. Bilbi marveled at the quiet cook; he came up with solutions she had never thought of. Gandalf was not to join them this night, it seemed he was caught up with an obstruction and could not back track just yet. Bilbi did what she could to help with the campsite, be it holding a tether line or helping Nori take a seat to handing out bowls of watered down stew. Fili and Kili were off out of sight, gathering extra wood for the fire. Bofur handed Bilbi two tin bowls and asked her to find the siblings and hand them their food. The hobbit obviously agreed because she ventured out to find them. Remarkably, Bilbi did not spill a drop of stew, despite how many times she nearly tripped over her own feet. The group did seem to chuckle at her as she crossed the campsite. 

Fili and Kili were not that hard to find. When Bilbi did indeed catch up with them, the siblings looked a bit distressed and frozen. This caused Bilbi to pause, then she finally spoke up. "What's wrong?"

Fili's head was tilted downward, gesturing to a black mass on the forest floor. "We found tracks."

"Big ones...Probably trolls," Kili finished, gripping a walking stick. 

"Tr-trolls?" Bilbi gasped as she stared down at the imprint.

That was not good news, not at all. Bilbi read about trolls: giant brutes that had no regard for others aside from themselves. 

"I vote we go back to the camp," Bilbi breathed.

Fili and Kili nodded and turned sharply to hurry back to the campsite, Bilbi (who was still holding their bowls) at their heels. 

"Thorin!" Fili called out. 

The Company understood the alarm in the young dwarf's voice, especially their leader; who stood up to receive his niece and nephew for their news. 

"We found tr-" Fili attempted to finish but something interrupted him. 

Three massive figures flipped the vans onto their backs. The dwarves were rushed, taken by surprise as their campsite was violated by three hungry trolls. The Company attempted to defend themselves, whipping out pistols, or long knives. However, they found that these trolls' hides were too thick. Granted, the dwarves' natural strengths with a pick, shovel or hammer did cause distressed yelps from the trolls. Alas, the efforts of the company fell flat. A  
ll, including Bilbi, were captured and placed into convenient sacks that the trolls had at their disposal. 

In another blur of events, eight out of thirteen dwarves were tied up on a spit and were being rotated over the fire. Bilbi was tossed beside the pile that was made up of Thorin, Bombur, Oin, Kili and Bifur. 

"What a stupid way to die," Kili muttered as she struggled against the sack. 

Bilbi frowned and tried so hard to think without panicking. Her eyes were glued on the rotating spit the Trolls payed so close attention to. Dwala, Balin, Bofur, Dori, Nori, Ori, Glion, and Fili also tried to wriggle out of their bonds while the flames of the camp fire licked at their bodies. Bilbi was not sure what brought her attention to it, however she noticed that the Trolls were arguing with each other. From what she could gather, they were discussing how to cook everyone or just squash them and get it over with. Bilbi had to do something and quickly. 

The hobbit wriggled her arms within her sack restraint. She moved and pushed her neck and fingers out of the gathering of the sack in attempt to undo the knotted rope. Bilbi tried to pull the gathering loose, however she could only do so much with such a limited angle. With such struggling, one of the trolls spotted Bilbi's efforts to free herself and lunged himself toward her, growling while raising a skinning knife that was his size.

Bilbi squeaked out a gasp and tensed up, "N-now wait a minute!" Remarkably she did not trip over herself before she continued, "I know when I'm beat!"

The troll glowered at her, his knife still in hand and ready to strike, "Thens wha's this yer doin'?"

The hobbit gulped thickly, she thought as quickly as she could. "I...was... Preparing to entertain you!"

Now she had all three troll's attention, which did not ease her nerves at all. "I-I'm a bit of a magician," she quivered. "A dinner and a show? Tell you what: If you don't like my acts, you could just throw me into the fire and be done with me. Good ol' Hobbit Jerky. How's that sound?" She finished with a nervous smile.

Everybody, even the rotating spit of dwarves, stared over at Bilbi in disbelief. She wriggled and struggled, finally the sack slipped away from her frame. Her ankles and wrists were still bound of course. 

"I swear to you, I will not run." Bilbi offered her wrists to her captors. "But I can't perform with bound wrists. You big, swift trolls would catch me anyhow. I've accepted my fate. Just let me make you laugh before you eat me, eh?"

The three trolls looked at each other pensively. The other dwarves muttered, even exclaimed how Bilbi had lost her mind and was throwing her life away needlessly. Bilbi resisted rolling her eyes in front of the ever watching trolls, hoping they would comply to her offer. 

"Alright," said the troll holding the knife. "We'll see what you got." The troll reached and easily broke the rope with his knife. 

Bilbi rubbed her wrists, taking note that the troll kept her ankles bound. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her mother's monogram-ed handkerchief. With a dramatic gesture, she waved the cloth about, making sure the trolls followed her movement. Seemingly so, she caused a silver coin to appear within her fingertips. Bilbi prayed that the simplicity of a troll's intellect was not a stereotype or wrong.

As Bilbi played jester to the trolls, the dwarves had time to think and tried to effectively slip away from their bonds. The hired burglar was almost out of tricks and resorted to slap-stick humor with her attempt to leap and hop about the campsite with her bound feet. When the hobbit had fallen hard against her side, and the trolls let out a gufaw of cackling laughter, that was when the night took a turn for the better.

"May the sunlight take you!"

It was Gandalf! Praise the higher powers of the world, it was Mr. Gray to the rescue. The old man had so cleverly revealed the sunrise. With his cane, he pulled back low hanging branches that blocked the light. The trolls shrieked and attempted to flee the campsite, their hides stiffened to a pale granite at an alarming rate.

Bilbi sighed and stared at the familiar shadowed outline. Then she rested her head against the dirt, exhausted, but alive.


	6. Rain and Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts to rain and the whole company is on foot with Orcs on their heels!

What luck to have Mr. Gray arrive at such a crucial moment. The massive campfire was quickly extinguished and the sweating dwarves were relieved of their confinement. Gloin fretted over his beard, so worried the fire singed it. Fili had hurried over towards Kili as soon as he could to help his sister out of the bag she was in. To his horror, Kili was without her metallic leg and immediately started to look for it. Kili mentioned she was not in a hurry, especially when she nearly shouted the fact that her brother was lightly burned. The concern the two had for each other was touching indeed, which caused Bilbi to grin in relief. Oin was helping Nori straighten his painfully crooked spine, a process that raised quite the alarm; Nori’s yell caused Dori and Ori to come to his side immediately. Bifur and Bofur were busy to help poor Bombur back onto his feet, for he could not find the balance at the moment. 

Thunder and grey skies followed as the dwarves, hobbit and agent fully recovered from their captive ordeal. Some had the mind to go back to camp to see what they could salvage. Mr. Gray and Thorin ended up communicating off to the side again. 

“That was certainly a close call, Gandalf,” Thorin had half a mind to scold the old man, however he was far too grateful at the moment, though his expression did not show it.

The elderly man grinned some, “So sorry for the delay. There was some..complications up a head. I suggest another alternative rout.”

Thorin huffed and shifted his weight, “Any more detours, we won’t make it to Erebore at all without burying you first, old man.” 

Mr. Gray chuckled again, “Perhaps. But I doubt with such damages, you are willing to tangle with an orc pack, yes?”

The company leader lost what color he had in his face at the very mention of orcs, “Orcs?” then his brows furrowed with an known anger, “How close?”

Gandalf sighed and rubbed his forehead, “Almost too close. With the rain approaching, your scent will be known soon. I could distract them, but I can only do so much. But if we head for the fields, perhaps...”

“No.”

The agent stilled himself and exercised his patience again as he kept his voice calm and firm. “Thorin. I may be MI-6, but my power is limited. I do not have an army to cover you and your company during a queue, do you understand me? Rather you have a grudge or not, this is the best plan we have.” 

Meanwhile, Bilbi shivered and huddled deeper into her jacket. The hobbit ended up exploring what could have been her grave site, perhaps to help wrap her head around what just happened. While the dwarves were regrouping, Bilbi caught whiff of something foul, then against her better judgment she approached the source. There was a cave, riddled with roots, mold, moss, and things that faintly glittered in what sunlight was left of the oncoming rain. She looked back towards where the group was and noticed Mr. Gray was still there.

“Um. Mr. Gray?” Bilbi called out. “I think I found something!” 

It caught the silver man’s attention for sure. He turned from Thorin and walked towards the hobbit he had hired, and left the dwarf the option to follow or not. Curiosity took hold of Thorin, so indeed he followed. Bilbi pointed down the cave’s mouth. Thorin resisted a wince from the stench as Gandalf had no problem expressing a subtle discomfort. The man covered his nose and mouth with a handkerchief while he made the attempt to step inside. There was a steep step, however he maintained his balance. 

“Thorin, I suggest you get the company down here. There’s a horde.”

Thorin nodded quietly then gave Bilbi a glance before he marched off with a sense of urgency. Bilbi sighed and hugged herself, deciding to wait outside of the cave to be a sort of landmark. Gloin, Bofur, Bifur, Oin, Ori and Dwala returned with Thorin; armed with camping shovels and several duffle bags. As old fashioned a word like “horde” was, no word could possibly be more appropriate. Gear and wealth littered the place, though the source of the smell was still a mystery and everyone inside the cave was fairly determined to avoid such a discovery. There were cobwebs, slithering things along the walls and plenty of things for small feet to trip over. Knives, swords, guns, bombs, tools, various trophy parts from various vehicles, so many things and so little time and space to take it all. 

Dwala inspected the trophy parts from unfortunate travelers. “I think we can use some of these to repair the vans,” she mentioned, turning a small filter in her hand, then setting it inside a duffle bag. “Most of these are already damaged. Dumb bastards probably ripped these out. I can fix them though.”

Thorin was a bit preoccupied with certain weapons he had found in a barrel. He pulled out two fairly impressive weapons with strange writing on them. He squinted at them in what light he had in the save. He turned one of the strange looking assault rifle in his large hands and studied it. The lettering was strange and elegant looking. It was certainly not of troll make. Obviously stolen. Thorin turned his head and nodded towards the weapons he had found, then waited for the older man to approach.

“An interesting find, Thorin,” Mr. Gray mentioned as he studied the weapon himself. “Not quite human make. They must be elven.”

Thorin seemed to have half a thought to toss such a weapon away, however Gandalf interrupted such a thought, “You won’t find a finer weapon, Thorin. Despite their age, these models will never jam or leave you in want.” 

This caused the dwarven leader to pause and reconsider his option as he pretended to study the rifle further. 

Gloin was particularly interested in the more spendable of treasures in the rank cave. He had found several stashes of coins, paper bricks that were slightly damaged by mold (still usable though), and jewelry that seemed in good enough shape to haggle for a decent price. 

Bofur kicked at some coins loose from the dirty floor, “So much money. It’d be a shame for it to be just lying around.” she hinted towards Gloin, who nodded in amused agreement. 

“Agreed,” the husky dwarf answered. “Ori! Get me a shovel will ye?”

And so the three dwarves started to dig a decent hole to hide what treasures they knew they could not carry with them. Dwala shook her head at the respectable Banker and the two cohorts he seemed to have recruited in a blink’s time; she merely picked up what 5 she deemed salvageable and climbed out of the cave to get to work. “Join me when ye can, Bofi,” Dwala called out as she went.

It was not long until Thorin and Gandalf emerged from the cave as well. The dwarves leader was determined to be stoic as he passed Bilbi as the old human decided to give her some mind. 

“I have found a few things for you, Bilbi. They seem to be your size.” 

Mr. Gray presented a small bag of which contained a taser, a small handgun and a knife. Bilbi was a bit alarmed and stated, “Gandalf, I’ve never fired a gun in my life!”

The elder man leaned down to Bilbi’s level and spoke, “And I hope you never have to, Bilbi. But this path will certainly call for defensive action. I want you to remember something, so listen close.” Which Bilbi clearly did. “Courage isn’t having the nerve to take a life, it’s knowing when to spare one. Many confuse the two, yet I trust you will keep it straight.”

Bilbi swallowed thickly then nodded. “Yes sir.”

It was a considerable time later before the company was on the move again. For now, they had to be on foot. Despite Dwala's and Bofi's talents in repairing mechanical things, without the proper tools and lifting equipment the feat of repairing the totaled vans seemed impossible. The trolls did a heavier toll than what Dwala had previously estimated, much to her dismay. At least her Harley was still in tact: only a couple bent spokes and dented outer-shell, but still drivable. Bilbi was sorely tempted to ask for a ride, however her meek nature reared its ugly head once again and kept the hobbit quiet. 

Nori seemed to be in the greater need of having traveling relief. Bilbi noticed a foxish grin on the ginger dwarf's face as he hugged himself around Dwala's middle. Which caused a perked eyebrow from Bilbi. Bofi seemed very entertained and expressed it through laughter. Kili boasted that she did not need to ride Dwala's motorcycle, though righteously impressive the vehicle was. 

"I'll get to Erebore on one leg, you watch Mr. Nori," Kili spoke up as the other dwarf had a comfortable stance.

Nori scoffed, "Once you get spine spurs, then you get te tell me how tough ye are."

Chuckles were shared after that, even Kili grinned at the snarky remark Nori had up his sleeve.

Bilbi turned to Bofi, "If I'm the burden, then what is Nori?"

Bofi gave Bilbi a look before she continued, "I-I mean, with his injury, wouldn't Thorin think him slowing the company down? He thinks such things of me surely."

For a moment Bofi was pensive. "Well, I suppose it's a relationship between trust and probation."

"Probation?"

"Aye," Bofi smiled brightly. "Nori’s a reformed con like you. Only he worked for Thorin's father around the time Drake Smaug took the company from under Thorin's feet. Right now, Thorin trusts him."

“I suppose trusting more than one con is a bit much,” Bilbi muttered to herself, now with a new sense of understanding. 

Then the thunder came. Gandalf, who was far ahead of the group (which was miraculous, considering his apparent age), signalled for everyone to hurry up. Dwala sped up, but only to keep up with Gandalf and Thorin. Kili lengthened her stride and occasionally grabbed her brother’s sleeve for balance. Dori nearly fretted, rain and braids usually did not mix gracefully; however, the concern about her brothers trumped such pride and kept up her own pace while clinging to Ori’s hand. Bilbi broke into a full on run to keep up with Bofi, who admittedly was trotting at the time. It was only until Bilbi glanced behind herself when she saw the motivation for their sudden pace change.

On the not-so-far horizon, there was an impressive pack of humanoid shadows holding horrendous looking weapons that could bludgeon a person rather easily. Just as easily, panic arose in Bilbi’s chest, which urged her steps to be all the faster, nearly passing Bofi entirely. Howls were heard, growling, snarling and the gnashing of teeth. Bilbi whimpered and squeaked to herself as she did her best to keep up with the now severely motivated clan of dwarves.

Thankfully, there was another noise that was not immediately comforting. What Bilbi thought was another potential assailant riding a vehicle equipped for slick grass was actually another bearded man riding a four-wheeler. This strange man had brown and camouflage attire, including a brown floppy hat, no doubt made that way by the rain that followed close behind him. Gandalf looked very relieved to see such a person, though everyone else was rightly confused. However, there was no complaint when the mystery rider on the wheeler charged towards the Orc Pack.

“Wh-who was that?” Bilbi mentioned out loud.

“Dunno,” Bofi answered, “Don’t care at the moment!”

Which was a fine enough statement considering that they were being pursued. The rider that charged the orc pack managed to get their attention long enough for the group to get some distance and take refuge behind one of many boulders in the non-forested area. 

From rock to rock, they managed to evade the some-what distracted orc-pack. The four-wheel rider could only hold their attention for so long before the pack got wise and split up to cover the desired ground. Dwala and Nori had to abandon the harley, with great regret. However, a motorized steed such as the harley was rather hard to hide with, considering the exhaust it gives and the sharp lighting it possessed. Though, it was slightly humorous to see Dwala hoist Nori onto her back and just run with all she was worth. Bilbi would have a moment to marvel at the natural strength the lady-dwarf had, but once again, the company were running for their lives.

Before it became too close of a call, Gandalf finally found a solid spot of refuge. Again, it was covered by a large boulder, however it hid a secret opening that led underground. Slick with rain and some mud, one dwarf after the other slid into hiding. Dori and Ori were first, no telling who landed on whom. Then it was Bombur and Bifur, Balin and Oin and Gloin. Bofi and Bilbi hid the hiding spot in a skid and nearly missed the mound of bodies entirely. Finally Dwala and Nori slid inside; Nori was gracefully swung like a backpack into the arms of Oin and Gloin.

Gandalf called out to Thorin and his remaining kin. All three were soldiers by heart and had to make sure everyone made it inside safely before they managed to think of themselves. First was Fili, to catch hold of Kili (who nearly lost her leg; something must have jarred loose during the run), then lastly was Thorin. Mud caked the leader’s back and legs, but he did not seem to care. The company stared upward at the pouring sky, praying that the Orcs and their Wargs were gone. 

There was a peek of a head that did not seem friendly at all. Bilbi held her breath, as if it would have helped. The shattering bang of thunder and the orc fell from sight. It took Bilbi a moment to realize that it was not thunder that became so suddenly frequent; it was gunfire. 

Thorin squinted up at the opening. 

“Gunfire?” Kili managed to speak up. “Who?”

“Elves,” Thorin growled and glanced over at Gandalf.

Mr. Gray was rather comfortable with the decision he had made and nothing more was said about it. The agent rubbed what mud was on his heather-gray clothing and simply stepped towards the more dry end of the hole. Dwala’s ever watchful eye caught hold of a pathway that lead away from the underground area. 

“I found something,” she called out, getting Thorin’s attention again. “It’s a pathway. Do we follow it or no?”

“Anything is better than this rat-trap,” Dori fidgeted with herself and Ori’s clothing, “lest we drown first!”

“Agreed, let’s follow it,” Fili gestured for Dwala to lead on, since she was closest to the opening. 

Thorin, with his niece and nephew, made their way through the group to follow close behind Dwala as they descended into the opening. The rest of the company followed in no particular order, Mr. Gray brought up the rear. 

When Bilbi thought it was safe to speak up again, she looked up at Mr. Gray, who she slowed herself for in the first place. “Who was that? On the four-wheeler.”

Gandalf grinned briefly, “An old friend of mine, Radagast Brown. A talented herbalist and survivalist expert. Usually he is my eyes and ears when it comes to cross country exploits such as this. Good timing, if you ask me.”

“I certainly have no complaints,” Bilbi sighed to herself and shivered from the cold. 

It was close to a fairly miserable hour before the pathway broadened to a mountain side. And there was a valley with a lovely city of white near the grace of a waterfall. The rain had finally stopped thankfully. Salvation was at hand, and the strong possibility of a warm meal and a soft bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, some images for you to enjoy that I drew myself, because I'm not widely known yet.
> 
> Dwala: http://25.media.tumblr.com/3c53dbc4f50e1d4912151227a30e2eca/tumblr_mhb8la2mQi1s2j1nfo4_250.png
> 
> Fem!Dori: http://24.media.tumblr.com/a357d8bf634d2a0f37cfcdb772712c28/tumblr_mhb8la2mQi1s2j1nfo2_1280.png
> 
> Dori/Balin: http://25.media.tumblr.com/c82a37ecdd14aeaa75d3545ce9df18e4/tumblr_mhb8la2mQi1s2j1nfo1_1280.png
> 
> Fem!Bofur: http://24.media.tumblr.com/01759ffcda9f9dd52e4a81678ba13ff5/tumblr_mhb8la2mQi1s2j1nfo3_1280.png
> 
> and Fem!Kili: http://25.media.tumblr.com/28918fcd800054329c4e2a00259a59ea/tumblr_mhb8la2mQi1s2j1nfo5_1280.png
> 
>  
> 
> I may need your help. I don't want to re-write the whole book, I may need prompt suggestions to get the creative juices flowing again. Either PM me here, or submit to my ask box at http://leucoray.tumblr.com 
> 
> Please! I greatly need your aid!


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